"I · pray · you · despatch · with · speed · this · matter, · for · mine · honor · lies · much · on · it..."

A long list of activities
once filled my waking hours;
Now I get to bed early and wake actually rested.
I relied on the green & white siren
to get me through;
Now I go without the substance she peddles
in practically every town in this nation.
The desires of others controlled my actions
and left me with little choice but to trust in their experience;
Now I am master of my own mind.
All that I did for others
and that I neglected for myself
makes me realize the gift of true self-control.

Funny how time changes feelings
I feel no different than before
And I realize it has been years since my heart flipped for you
Years
I do not need to ask where the time has gone
What I find amazing is that the whole time
While beating in my chest
My heart has healed
I still smile when thinking of you
I find no fault in my private happiness
But no longer do I linger on what ifs
I am happy for myself
Thought I take no credit for my recovery
Miraculous workings of the human heart and mind
Make it possible to wake up every morning

Everyone knows the flip of the stomach
that comes upon the sight of one
who has been so close
I just didn't expect to feel it
when you came around the corner

Stepping out of character proves exhilarating and mind-bending
And not as reputation-searing as I thought it might

Rampant misunderstandings rule the world.

I hardly wonder what you're doing
out in the middle of nowhere
pretending to be happy
loving her from afar
Sometimes she speaks of you
and I know she's wondering
what I'm thinking when I hear your name
I would tell you to
try someone new
but I know how difficult
opening up can be
especially for you
Though it took me less than
no time to get to you -a credit
to our similar nature and
sense of humor
You cannot be as happy as she says she is
Continue to tell her whatever it is you whisper
to keep her so wrapped up and in love
Know that she will never leave you
and you can live happily ever after
I know you think of me as I think of you
and we'll both smile and think of love lost

Void of impressions
Or information upon which to act
Trying something new
Is more trouble than it's worth
In particular
Interpersonalemotionallydrainingunreciprocated
relationships

My muse
whomever he or she may be
has taken a leave of absense
and moved on to greener pastures
to benefit one who is more prolific
and can use the inspiration
to benefit humanity.

When the skin between my toes
becomes a little sweaty from
too much time trapped in shoes
I like to scrunch up my toes in my
cotton sheets and twist the cloth around
each toe to feel the webbing stretch
It reminds me of a midafternoon nap
As soon as I graduated from feety pajamas
with the tummy pinching zippers
(That was the first time my mother told me to "suck it in"
and she's been saying it ever since -
she probably wishes corsets were still in style)
I remember twisting my sheets around my toes
feeling like a big kid with cold feet

I still have the urge to blurt out
Look what you did! See how I hurt!
I feel my heart thrashing against my ribs
like a sandpiper captured by six year old
cretins.
It has been a long while now
since the natural time to speak of things
has passed
and it is a sorry state of things
that I consider you a friend
but cannot bring myself to cause you
such discomfort and instead
choose to wallow in my dismay.
I can see myself years from now
meeting you on the street
stopping for a cup of coffee and a chat.
I say to you
Look what you did! See how I hurt!
And you say you know
and that you're sorry
and you pay for my coffee.

The tension between my shoulders
is beginning to seep into my life
It seems to trail behind me
infecting enemies and friends alike
so that I almost cannot distinguish
one from another
I must have a knack for the awkward
and unpleasant and confrontation
As every interaction between myself
and another breathing soul
is tainted with a mark of resentment

Sleep Deprivation
Is not a friend of mine

I really do not want to argue with you
You were amazing and beautiful
Before I realized you insist on
Having every word that leaves your lips
Be the correct answer
Even when it is not
You always start a sentence
With the word no
Which does not help you make friends
Or keep old ones
I am quiet because I do not want to argue
With a once-was friend

Create yourself
(She's an original)
Think of it as a
Lifelong assignment
Given at your birth
And assessed at your death
(He was good people)
Become who you are
Though you don't know who that is
Yet
Maybe you'll never know
Maybe you'll one day know
(Post-midlife crisis, perhaps)
Maybe you know now
There's no text on
Becoming you
Just guts and brains and heart
And other people
(A peanut gallery)
Who refuse to stick to their own assignment
And forever look over your shoulder
Trudge on
Little pupil
Though you may never reach an answer
(And even if you do
You may not know it)
We cannot simply be
And so
Create

Not every time I pass you
But almost every time
I want to grab you and
Shake you
Snap your senses in and out of place
In hopes that you'll realize
What you've done
I know you didn't mean to
Cause me harm
Still
I cannot help but think that
You are someone who should
And does
Notice their impact on others
I could be wrong
But not this time

Look a little closer
You will see that
I would be good for (to) you
That I am
Good for you
Give the gatekeeper the night off
(Give me a touch)
As the "windows to your soul"
Are lately foggy
(We were moving forward
I woke with thrills
And slept with a smile
Believing that my optimism
Was grounded in reality)
Now life is lingering between
Those constant continuums
Misery and happiness

Flipping through the pages
(Hell, just observing the current world)
Looking for the one clue
That will make me beautiful
Ears perk up at the sound of a promise
To melt away the sadness
She says she hates it when
He looks at her
That way
But I would give anything to have someone
Look me up and down
Perhaps raise an eyebrow
To receive a note on a napkin or matchbook
My heart might not stand the shock
Though there would be a moment of
Intense joy
Right before it gives out
At least in that moment
I will know that I am
Finally pretty